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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26882542">Say My Name</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsagichanP/pseuds/UsagichanP'>UsagichanP</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Friday - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bittersweet Ending, Crying, F/M, Ghost Sex, Ghosts, I have made people cry with this, Masturbation, Post-Canon, Smangst, Smut and Angst, THIS WILL BREAK YOUR HEART, or as I like to call it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:47:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26882542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsagichanP/pseuds/UsagichanP</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It had already been 2 months since Ethan died, and Lex was not over it. </p>
<p>Not in the fucking slightest. </p>
<p>She's so lonely. And sexually frustrated.</p>
<p>There's no one to hold her anymore. No one to kiss her. No one to comfort her. And other than Hannah, no one loves her. </p>
<p>So when she hears her dead boyfriend's voice at night, telling her to do certain things to herself, she can't help but give in to the temptation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lex Foster/Ethan Green</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Say My Name</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello friends!</p>
<p>I have been rather hesitant to post this, because I was afraid people would judge me for writing Starkid smut but... eh. I've written other types of smut, and if worst comes to worst, I'll just orphan it. Hopefully that won't happen though. </p>
<p>Warning: This is pretty fucking sad.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had already been 2 months since Ethan died, and Lex was not over it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not in the fucking slightest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything seemed to be going to fucking shit now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First, she lost the only source of happiness (besides her sister) in her life. Second, since Frank was killed, she was out of a job too. She wasn’t even sure if she was fit to go back to working in the first place, but that didn’t matter. Food stamps could only do so much, and what little funds they had was already running low. </p>
<p>Second, she was so broke she couldn’t even get any weed- a fact that her mom sure as fuck wasn’t pleased about. Her mom had actually somehow gotten worse since Ethan’s death, and since she couldn’t just go over to Ethan’s house when she needed to escape anymore, oftentimes she was stuck in their shitty trailer with her piece of shit mom. </p>
<p>Third, Hannah was acting even more neurotic than usual, and it was driving Lex up the fucking wall. Sometimes she would shut down and go completely nonverbal, and sometimes she wouldn’t shut the fuck up about what fucking mumbo jumbo nonsense Webby was saying. It wasn’t Hannah’s fault, Lex knew that, and maybe this was just her way of grieving. But it always hurt the most when she mentioned him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Webby says Ethan’s still there.”</p>
<p>“Webby says Ethan loves you, he just can’t tell you it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Webby says.</p>
<p>Webby says.</p>
<p>Webby says.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes Lex wanted to tape that stupid fucking spider’s mouth shut.</p>
<p>How can spiders even talk anyways?</p>
<p>Oh right, they can’t. It’s because it’s an imaginary spider, not a real one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though it was a little off-putting whenever Hannah mentioned the Black and White. Lex still didn’t know what the fuck that really was, but that long haired General dude had told her about her and Hannah having powers or some shit, and she had been able to grab a gun out of seemingly thin air. Maybe the Black and White is a real place, and some of the shit Hannah says actually has a bit of credence. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or maybe Lex is just going insane.</p>
<p>Probably the latter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Usually in times like these she’d drink first, think later, but now she didn’t even have money to support her or her mom’s drinking habit. Shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex stopped asking “Can my life get any worse?” a long time ago.</p>
<p>Someway, some fucking how, the answer was always yes.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes. I saw the si-sign. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> No one’s gonna-gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Wherever you belong  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex wanted to throw her basket at the shitty, crackly speaker. Someone needs to get that thing fixed or take it out altogether. The way too bright lights made shopping at CVS bad enough already. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Toilet paper, $4.29. Tissues, $1.99. Actually, make that 2 boxes. Tylenol, $6.29. Fuck, why are those little pills so expensive? 7 granola bars, $8.33. Maybe I should put some back? I can’t go over budget.  </em>
</p>
<p>In general, Lex was bad at math. She was, however, good at adding prices in her head to make sure she had enough money to buy something. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After piling all of her items into the basket, Lex made her way to the register.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh no.</p>
<p>The cashier was fucking Grace Chastity. </p>
<p>Son of a bitch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello! How was your shopping experience– oh my <em> gosh </em>, Lex Foster?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex wanted to punch her.</p>
<p>Wow, she was really feeling violent today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s me.” Lex forced herself to look away from the shiny pack of cigarettes standing on a shelf behind the counter. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I haven’t seen you in ages!” Grace pushed up her glasses, then began scanning the items at a purposefully slow rate. Shit, she was gonna talk a lot, wasn’t she?</p>
<p>“I heard what happened to Ethan. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how close you two were.” Grace said. Lex stiffened at Ethan’s name. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex took a deep breath. “Well you can’t bring him back. No one can.” She fished out her wallet and pulled out $40. She had had to dip into her savings just to have some money to buy weekly groceries. “I’d ask you to watch Hannah since I haven’t had one full day for myself in for fucking ever, but I don’t have any money to pay you. My job burned down along with the mall.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Grace smiled apologetically. “Well… if you want, I can watch her tonight for free.”</p>
<p>Lex froze. “Fucking what?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t mind. I understand you’re going through some really rough times. You deserve a break.” It was true. Anyone with working eyeballs could see that Lex was going through shit. The bruise on her jaw from a week ago was healing but still visible, and her eye bags were so severe and dark they would make a raccoon jealous. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I work till 6, so feel free to drop her off at 6:30 or 7. I’ll give her a good dinner too.” Grace continued. “That’ll be $39.80.” </p>
<p>
  <em> She’d feed Hannah? Fuck, I really can’t refuse the offer. She deserves a good dinner.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine. I’ll come around 6:30.” Lex slid Grace the cash. “Why do you work at this shitty CVS anyways? Don’t you get enough money babysitting every kid in Hatchetfield?” <em> Also it’s not like her family is hurting for money. Upper-middle-class righteous pricks.  </em></p>
<p>Grace shrugged. “It makes me feel more productive. It’s only a part-time job anyways, and the manager is really cool.” She offered a soft smile. “Maybe I can ask her if there’s a spot open. Would you want to work here?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex chewed on her lip. Working every day with Grace Chastity sounded nigh unbearable, but a job is a job. She glanced at the broken speaker. </p>
<p>
  <em> No one's gonna dr-dr-dra-drag you up to get into the light where you belong!  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“...Sure.” She said slowly. </p>
<p>“You’ll have to act a bit more cheery, though. People like happy cashiers.” Grace added. Lex closed her eyes to avoid rolling them out of her skull. “Your change is 20¢.” She handed two dimes to Lex. </p>
<p>“I’ll try my best.” Lex shoved the coins in her pocket. Man, she needed a cigarette. “Thanks Grace.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course!” Grace gave her a tight grin, which Lex returned, albeit less sincerely. “You know where my house is, right?” </p>
<p>“Yep. Killarney Downs.” Lex hated going through Killarney Downs. All those rich snobs looked at her like she was trash whenever she drove through there; which, luckily for everyone, was rarely. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex scooped up the heavy bags and nodded slightly. “See you at 6:30.” </p>
<p>“Bye now!” Grace waved, but Lex was already out the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex flopped on her bed, throwing an arm over her face and sighing. It was only 7, but somehow she was already tired.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She couldn’t remember the last time she had a full night to herself. Even if her mom wasn’t home, usually at least Hannah was there. Her mom was even more absent than usual, mostly spending her nights at a bar or fucking random men and leaving her two daughters to fend for themselves. Lex had only gotten more protective of Hannah after Ethan’s death and spent 90% of her time with her, unless Hannah specifically told her to go away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>What do people do when they’re alone again? </p>
<p>Um. </p>
<p>Listen to music, watch videos, text people, that sort of crap. Right?</p>
<p>Yeah.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex reached for her headphones next to her bed, but stopped. <em> If Mom’s not here, I don’t need to be quiet, right?  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>She put her music on shuffle and scrolled through her messages. Maybe she could text her friends.</p>
<p>Oh wait.</p>
<p>She didn’t have any friends.</p>
<p>Oops.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Grace, my dealer, Mr. Houston, Ethan– </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ethan.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex swallowed hard. She still had Ethan’s texts. Why she didn’t delete them by now, she didn’t know. It’s not like he would ever respond. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Against her better judgement, she tapped on his name with trembling fingers. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She scrolled through days and weeks and months of texts. They were mostly memes, or shitty jokes, or cheesy adorations, or fast food orders. A few chuckles bubbled up from her throat as she looked through their past conversations. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, something caught her eye. It was a video of… wait, was that her underwear? Eyebrows furrowed, she tapped the play button.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh fuck Ethan. I wish you were here. I wish you could touch me. I–”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex hit pause as quickly as she hit play.</p>
<p>Thank God no one was watching. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck was that?” She whispered to herself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her face reddened as she read the rest of their messages. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I said this shit. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She crossed her legs, trying to ignore the pulsing between her thighs. It didn’t work. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>[Wednesday, October 24, 2018]</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eth 💕 (11:39) are you touching urself?</p>
<p>Lex (11:39) Maybe ;)</p>
<p>Eth 💕 (11:40) over panties or under? </p>
<p>Lex (11:40) Over </p>
<p>Lex (11:41) Look</p>
<p>[Lex sent a video] </p>
<p>Eth 💕 (11:43) Lex holy fuck</p>
<p>Eth 💕 (11:43) how bout this</p>
<p>Eth 💕 (11:44) i’ll tell u what to do and u follow it</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>“Ethan…” Real life Lex breathed and closed her eyes. The pulsing intensified to the point where she could ignore it no longer. She opened her pants button the best she could with one quivering hand, and wiggled her hips until her jeans fell down to her knees. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Lex. </em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s eyes fluttered open slightly. “Was that…?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Lex, listen to me.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ethan, is that really you?” Lex asked the air. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Yeah, it’s me.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A weak laugh escaped her chapped lips. “Wow. I’m actually imagining my boyfriend’s voice while horny. Who’d’ve fuckin thought.”  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Do what I say and you’ll feel good. You want to feel good, right? </em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Set the phone down. Push up your shirt and undo your bra.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex did as he said, pushing her plain shirt up to her chin, with her bra following after a bit of trouble unhooking it while lying down. “Ok, what next?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She knew she must have looked crazy, talking to nothing like that, but right now she didn’t care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Rub your nipples. Slowly. Tease them. Wet your fingers if you need to. </em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex licked both index fingers and middle fingers, then used them to light trace circles around her nipples. Electric sparks shot up her spine, and she shuddered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Does that feel good?</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah.” She sighed. She lightly pinched one nipple, and her leg twitched in response. “It always felt better when you did it, though.” </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Then imagine it’s me. Imagine it’s my hands on your body.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“Oh <em> God. </em> ” Lex shuddered again. She closed her eyes and pictured Ethan’s hands running over her skin instead of her own. Shit, this was too much. She needed to touch herself, <em> now.  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex shifted her legs slightly, then she heard it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Squelch. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Wow, that was quite a sound. That must mean you’re reeeaally wet, huh?</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex could practically hear the smirk in his voice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Y-yeah, I am.” She hadn’t been wet enough to hear herself move in months- then again, she hadn’t had sex in months.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What a surprise. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Show me. Spread your legs. </em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite the disembodied voice not having, ya know, eyes, Lex opened her legs wider. Carefully her fingers crept down her abdomen to the damp spot on her panties. She pressed two fingers into the wet fabric, and immediately her hips jerked and a sharp gasp left her throat. Even without moving her hand she was already so sensitive. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Good girl. So, what do you want?</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“More.” Lex moaned, tracing lazy circles over her panties. “I want more. I want you.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I want you too, Lexie.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Ethan’s voice was suddenly soft, full of such longing it made Lex’s heart squeeze. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I can’t be with you right now, but we can pretend I am. Your hands are my hands. Now slide your- my- hand underneath your panties. </em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex nodded and followed his instructions. She let out a frankly embarrassing whimper as her knuckle brushed against her throbbing clit, and bit her lip to silence any noises she might make.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Ah-ah-ah. Don’t try to be quiet. Be as loud as you want. You’re all by yourself, remember? No need to hold back.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“‘m sorry.” Lex whispered. “It’s just–” She ran her finger slowly down her soaking slit, and her entire body shivered “embarrassing.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I think it’s cute. </em> </b>
</p>
<p>His coy tone made her blush even harder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Do you remember how I like to touch your clit? </em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex swallowed. “Mm-hmm.” She dipped two of her fingers in between her folds to get them wet, then began to stroke her clit, starting with lengthy slow strokes, then gradually getting faster until she was rubbing in small fast little circles. Her breath hitched and her eyebrows furrowed, and she couldn’t stop the little groans and moans spilling from her lips even if she tried. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Now stop. </em> </b>
</p>
<p>“Wha- no!” She whined. “Why?” Regardless of her protesting, she pulled her hand away. A thin line of slick clung between her drenched fingers and her pussy.</p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Because I don’t want you to cum too quickly. You were close, weren’t you?</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex grimaced. He had a point. “Fine. What do you want me to do then?” </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Slide one finger into yourself. Don’t rush though. We’ve got all night, after all.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“O-okay.” She kicked off her pants and stripped off her underwear, leaving her finally fully naked. Even though she was alone, she felt so... exposed. Usually when she masturbated she touched herself through her panties; she always found the friction of cotton against her clit quite nice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tentatively, she dipped one finger shallowly inside herself and let out a soft groan. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Curl it. And rub your clit with your thumb- yes, just like that. You’re doing so well.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“Shit, Ethan.” Lex sighed, tossing her head back in pleasure. “Can I- more, please, fuck…” She trailed off, but Ethan understood.</p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Yeah. And think of me. Think of me sliding my fingers into your pussy, think of me pressing kisses down your body. You’re so beautiful, Lexie.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex shivered violently. “Oh, god.” Little by little she inserted another finger until both her index and middle were fully sheathed inside her. She rolled her hips and thrust in and out, faster and faster, to the point where she was fucking herself on her fingers. With the other hand, she grabbed her pillow and squeezed, one, two, three times.</p>
<p>A pillow was a poor substitute for her boyfriend’s hand, but it’d have to do.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not… enough.” Lex said through gritted teeth as she clenched tightly around herself. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>What do you mean? </em> </b>
</p>
<p>“I need something, <em> nnn </em>, thicker. Harder. More than just fingers.” She spread her fingers and her breath hitched. “A toy, your cock, anything.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a moment she wondered if she still had her dildo under her bed, then realised that <em> shit </em>, she left it at Ethan’s house.</p>
<p>Hopefully his parents wouldn’t find it when cleaning out his stuff.</p>
<p>That’d be really embarrassing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I fucking miss you Ethan. I wish you were here.” She continued. “I wish you were here to fill me up. You always know how to fuck me so goo- <em> ahh!- </em> od.” Her voice cracked as a particularly strong wave of pleasure washed over her, and she opened her legs wider. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Fuck, Lexie. </em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ethan sounded… strangely flustered. Lex could picture his red face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She couldn’t tell if that made her horny or sad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A little bit of both, perhaps. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Why don’t you try 3 fingers, then? That’s thicker.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex pursed her lips. “I usually stick to 2 fingers though.” She pointed out. “Plus, you’re more like 4 fingers. Maybe 3.5. <em> Definitely </em> not just two. I know I can take it when it’s you, but I’m a bit nervous about putting that many fingers in me.” She muttered. Ethan laughed. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Sorry I never measured with fingers. Though I think my fingers are a little thicker than yours.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex laughed at his quip. It felt weird, laughing at Ethan’s jokes again. She hadn’t done that in what felt like an eternity. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It hurt, somehow. Especially since she was laughing at a delusion. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No. It didn’t hurt because it was a delusion. It hurt because it felt <em> real.  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>How about this, babe. You use 3 fingers- I know you can fit them, you’re so fucking wet they’ll slide right in- and pretend it’s my cock. Then I’ll tell you how I’ll fuck you, and you do that with your fingers.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex licked her lips. “Ok.” Carefully she pushed a third finger inside. She expected it to be more painful, but she was so wet and relaxed that the stretch wasn’t all that unpleasant. “Got it.” She said. “What now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Imagine my cock entering you, slowly. Then I’d pull back, leaving only the tip in, and push it back in at a snail’s pace. Again and again and again, until you beg for more.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex Foster was a stubborn girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But if there was one man that could reduce her to a lewd, begging mess, it was Ethan Green. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, Ethan, oh my god. I can’t do this. I <em> need </em>more.” Lex moaned, writhing in her sheets. This slow pace just wasn’t sufficient anymore. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Wow, you’re being greedy today, aren’tcha?  </em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If Ethan was physically there, Lex would have thrown a pillow at him for his teasing. </p>
<p>“Oh, put a sock in it, bad boy.” Lex hissed in half-baked irritation. Ethan snorted, and laughter bubbled up in her chest.  It was almost enough to make her forget she was having a conversation with her dead ex-boyfriend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Almost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Sorry, sorry. But what are you so desperate for, babe?</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“I want you to fuck me harder.” Lex confessed. She curled her three fingers and groaned loudly as she hit her g-spot. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><b> <em>You’re so impatient. Everything has to be fast. </em> </b> <b></b></p>
<p>“Always have been, always will be, babe.” Lex shot back. “It’s one of my many amazing qualities.” Though she was being sarcastic, Ethan made a noise of agreement. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>One of your many, many amazing qualities. Qualities like your sexy body and your smarts and your voice and your hair and your everything. You’re everything to me.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>If she had both hands free, Lex would have buried her red face in them out of embarrassment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was it vain to have a figment of her imagination compliment her?</p>
<p>Probably.</p>
<p>Eh, fuck it. No one cares, especially not Lex.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God E, you can’t just say shit like that.” She muttered, trying to ignore his adorable snickering. “Do you fucking want my heart to explode, goddammit?” </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>How bout I do anyways~ ♪</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex rolled her eyes. “Did you really just fucking reference a fucking meme while I’m masturbating?” She asked in disbelief. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Only for you, Lexie.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“You’re impossible.” Lex grumbled, although she was far from truly angry.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hips twitched, reminding her that, oh yeah, she has ⅗ of her right hand inside her. That’s something she never thought she’d say, yet here we are. </p>
<p>
  <b>  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Fine. You want me to fuck you harder? </em> </b>
</p>
<p>“Mm-hmm.”</p>
<p><b> <em>Use your words, babe. </em> </b> </p>
<p>“God, <em> please.”  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>That’s better. Now imagine me pushing into you, all the way to the base, nice and deep. You like it when I go deep and fill you up completely, don’t you?</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex nodded desperately, sliding her fingers fully inside her and crooking upwards, making loud, wet, slick noises. Her face went even redder. She had masturbated a fair number of times before, but it never was like <em> this.  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>You always felt like heaven around my cock, you know. So warm and wet and soft and fucking perfect. You’re fucking perfect.  </em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex just moaned in response. </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I’d pin you to the mattress and fuck you fast, hitting your sweet spot every time while touching your clit too. I’d fuck you til you scream my name with every thrust.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ethan.” Lex gasped, pumping her fingers faster and groping at her breast.</p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Again.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“Ethan!” She repeated, louder this time. “<em> Fuck </em>me, you’re so good…” She was fully immersed in her fantasy now, picturing Ethan’s dick thrusting in and out of her instead of her hand. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>God, you look fucking amazing. Can you clench around me- yes, exactly. Fuck, I love you.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sounded ragged and out of breath for some reason.</p>
<p>Weird. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you too, Ethan.” Lex panted. “So goddamn much. So, so- ohh fuuck!” Her toes curled as she pinched her nipple. She could feel building up inside her, like water filling up a dam. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Say my name.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>Lex bit back a smirk. <em> I think he has a thing for me saying his name. </em></p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I heard that.</em> </b>
</p>
<p>“You can read my thoughts?” Lex’s eyebrows furrowed. <em> Wait, he’s a figment of my imagination. Of course he can read my thoughts. </em></p>
<p>
  <b> <em>That’s not true.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A shiver went up Lex’s spine, but she tried to ignore the implications of that. She decided to focus on getting off instead. She curled her fingers and pressed against that wonderful little button that made her hips buck and her whole body shudder. She massaged both the spot and her clit, stimulating her inside and out. Fuck, she missed this feeling of overwhelming pleasure. She thought that only Ethan could give her this type of pleasure, but he wasn’t here.</p>
<p>Ish.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s noises became a jumble of broken moans, swearing, and chanting of <em>Ethan </em>and <em>I love you. </em>Her breathing sped up as did her pace. The pleasure was rising, rising, until she could take it no more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m gonna cum!” She choked out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Do it. I love you, Lex.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dam burst. Lex’s body tightened, her back arched sharply, and she threw her head back with a long moan of Ethan’s name. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After several blissful moments, she went limp, collapsing against her sweat-soaked bed with a satisfied sigh. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a small, silent eternity. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A short, shaky breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you, Ethan.” Lex said for the umpteenth time that night as a tear rolled down her face. “God, I’m so fucking delusional.” She wiped at her eyes, but it was too late. “I actually imagined my fucking dead boyfriend while masturbating. What the actual fuck is wrong with me?” A sob wracked her chest as more tears began to fall. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I love you too Lexie.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up. You’re not real.” Lex croaked. “You’re just a fantasy. I’m still– I’m still grieving, or whatever Mr. Houston fucking said. You’re a figment of my imagination.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>That’s not true.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex pressed her pillow over her ears. “Yes it is! You’re dead. You’re dead Ethan. And you’re never coming back.” She argued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A beat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck, maybe I’m going crazy.” She dropped the pillow. “Or maybe this is some wack ass dream. I don’t fucking know.” She slung her forearm over her wet eyes. “Haha… I’m a goddamn mess. I’m never gonna get over him… ‘Cuz I’m a fucking idiot.” Her weak laughs turned stuttered weeping as the wobbly smile melted away from her flushed face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Lex, I am real. You’re not crazy, I promise.</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had the audacity to sound desperate. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long, but you just never let me in and–</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Ethan.” Lex said lowly, and he stopped. “I’m done now. You don’t need to keep torturing me by pretending that you’re not just a delusion. You’re about as real as fucking Webby.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b> <em>Babe, if you’d only let me explain–</em> </b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> SMACK!  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s head whipped to the side, her palm and cheek both stinging.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Goodbye Ethan.” She whispered. “Forever.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ethan didn’t answer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Finally.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex rolled over and picked up her phone, which had been playing music this whole time, albeit barely audibly. She checked the song.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sex with a Ghost by Teddy Hyde.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She made an incredulous half laugh, half sob. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> How fucking ironic.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If her phone wasn’t one of her most important things, she would have thrown it across the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After putting her shirt back on, Lex opened up her messenger and stared at the texts. Still there. She didn’t know if she wanted to delete them or keep them for eternity.</p>
<p>She clicked on Ethan’s contact. The little profile pic was one of her favourite pictures of him; a simple photo she had taken on a date in the park last September. There were no special filters or anything, but the joyous, perfect grin that was so wide it crinkled his gorgeous eyes made her heart skip a beat every time she looked at the picture. Every. damn. time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex chewed on her inner cheek. <em> I heard him in my head, but maybe… maybe I can hear his real voice. Sort of. </em></p>
<p>She clicked the little phone icon on his contact.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She immediately hated herself for it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The phone rang.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…… </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> "Hey this is Ethan. If you're hearing this I'm busy. Leave a message and maybe I’ll call you back. Love you. Bye." </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex’s heart stopped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> What the hell the up fuck was that </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Did the voicemail just fucking say “Love you”??? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With shaking hands she hung up, then called again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Ring…… </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> "Hey this is Ethan. If you're hearing this I'm busy. Leave a message and maybe I’ll call you back. Bye.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What in the fuck…?” Lex murmured. “Did I fucking hallucinate that?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pressed her palms to her eyes and groaned. “Fucking hell, I’m going insane aren’t I? Lock me up in a goddamn psych ward.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I need to go to sleep. I’ll probably feel better in the morning.” She thought out loud. “Then I’ll stop hallucinating, and everything will go back to normal.” She curled up and closed her eyes, not bothering to pull the covers over her. “Everything will go back to normal.” She mumbled again, before falling into a dreamless sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“So Banana, how was Grace’s?” </p>
<p>Lex glanced at Hannah in the backseat. She was fidgeting with her braids again. “Was it good or bad?”</p>
<p>“It was ok.” Hannah shrugged. “How was Ethan?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lex screeched to a stop at the stop sign. She stared at Hannah, slightly horrified. “What did you say?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Webby asked how was Ethan. She said you talked to him last night.” Hannah twirled her braid around her finger. “She wouldn’t tell me about what though.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Breathe Lex, breathe. It’s just a coincidence.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hannah,” Lex started, trying to level her breathing in spite of her internally screaming, “Ethan is d-dead.” Despite her best efforts, her voice cracked on <em> ‘dead’ </em> . “He’s been dead for 2 months now. I know it’s hard and I really miss him too. But he’s gone. And we need to learn to accept that.” She winced at her words; she meant to say <em> you </em> instead of <em> we </em>, but Hannah didn’t seem to notice. </p>
<p>“He’s dead <em> here </em> . But not <em> there. </em>” Hannah said cryptically. “You just won't let him in, even though he's trying really hard." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hannah–” Whatever Lex was about to say was cut off by a loud honk. Both girls looked to see a Tesla driven by an irritated looking man with platinum blond hair. Lex flipped him off but drove off anyways. “Fucking rich assholes.” She muttered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you…” Lex bit her lip, “do you talk to Ethan a lot, Hannah?”</p>
<p>“No. He’s lost. Webby knows him, but she can’t help him. He’s not supposed to be there, but he’s stuck.” Hannah picked at a rip in her overalls. “Was he happy or sad?”</p>
<p>Lex took a shaky breath. “A little bit of both, I think.” She froze as she realised what she said. “I mean… I don’t know. He can’t be happy or sad. Because he’s dead. I’d like to think he went to heaven but I… I don’t know.” She blinked away the tears. “Can we not talk about this?” </p>
<p>“Okay.” Hannah looked down and went back to picking at her overalls. “Sorry.” </p>
<p>“It’s- it’s fine.” Lex pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s not your fault.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Is it?  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, I swiped a Hershey bar from Walgreens last week. Wanna split it when we get home?” She asked loudly, partially to drown out her own crazy thoughts. </p>
<p>“Heck yeah!” Hannah looked up, always eager at the prospect of sweets.</p>
<p>“Did you say heck or hell?” </p>
<p>“I said heck!” </p>
<p>“Good. You’re too young to swear.” Lex reached back to ruffle Hannah’s hair fondly. </p>
<p>“When will I be old enough to swear?”</p>
<p>“Uh, how bout never?”</p>
<p>Hannah actually smiled, albeit only slightly. “Never is a long time.” </p>
<p>“Exactly. You can’t swear for a long time.” Lex smiled back and winked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later, she promised herself she would no longer hallucinate or act delusional. He was no longer around, so what was the point of imagining him talking to her?</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>If only Lex had known how much that hurt Ethan’s heart. </p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"It's not your fault... is it?" Does Lex subconsciously partially blame Hannah for Ethan's death? ...mayhaps ;) </p>
<p>I was lowkey considering make a sequel, but I'm busy as fuck with school and writing my long fic Fangs Fr The Mmrs (another Lexthan fic which you should totally check out) so the chances of that are very slim. </p>
<p>If you're sad or heartbroken, leave a comment :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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